MS Paint Adventures 1.HomestuckA young man stands in his bedroom.It just so happens that today, the 1.April, is this young mans birthday.Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name What will the name of this young man bePostgreSQL vs.MS SQL Server. A comparison of two relational databases from the point of view of a data analyst.The podcast craze of the past several years shows no signs of slowing down, and while every armchair broadcaster with a voice recorder app is eager to get in the game.InformationWeek. com News, analysis and research for business technology professionals, plus peertopeer knowledge sharing.Engage with our community.Ms Word File Size Reduce Software Crack Sites' title='Ms Word File Size Reduce Software Crack Sites' />Enter name.Try again. 1. 30.Examine room. Your name is JOHN.As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY.A number of CAKES are scattered about your room.You have a variety of INTERESTS.You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES.You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN.You also like to play GAMES sometimes.What will you do John Quickly retrieve arms from drawer.Your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, pooplord Remove CAKE from MAGIC CHEST.Out of sympathy for Johns perceived lack of arms, you pick up the CAKE for him and put it on his BED.John Quickly retrieve arms from MAGIC CHEST.You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest.You use these for HILARIOUS ANTICS.You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX.You have no idea what that actually means though.Latest trending topics being covered on ZDNet including Reviews, Tech Industry, Security, Hardware, Apple, and Windows.There are other items in the chest.John Examine contents of chest.In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.You are neither of these things.Among the ARTIFACTS are TWO 2 FAKE ARMS CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX, ONE 1 PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE 1 STUNT SWORD, ONE 1 MAGICIANS HAT, ONE 1 PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE 1 COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRES DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE 1 COPY OF HARRY ANDERSONS WISE GUY, BY MIKE CAVENEY.Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point.For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS.John Captchalogue smoke pellets.You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.You still arent totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least.You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining.John Equip fake arms.You arent totally sure if EQUIP is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway.Unfortunately, you cannot access the FAKE ARMS Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SMOKE PELLETS.You will have to use the pellets first in order to access the arms.But this is probably unadvisable, since youd just make your room lousy with smoke Your SYLLADEXS FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE.You were never all that great with data structures and you find the concept puzzling and mildly irritating.But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience.John Examine Problem Sleuth Poster.Is it even possible to get any more hard boiled than that You really doubt it.This poster was one of your wisest purchases.There is a nice spot on the wall next to it.Youve been meaning to hang another poster there soon.John Read note on drawer.This note is rich with the aromas of FATHERLY AFTERSHAVES AND COLOGNES.Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER.John Take poster.Another BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT.You wonder what is printed on the poster.Youll need some way to hang it on your wall.John Acquire hammer and nails.They will come in handy.You first place the HAMMER into your SYLLADEX.But now all of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS are full.You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS You guess it doesnt hurt to try.John Take nails. You captchalogue FOUR 4 NAILS into the top card, and push all the ARTIFACTS down a card.The FAKE ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck Oh well.Theyre probably completely useless anyway.But you probably dont want to do that again, unless you want to drop the SMOKE PELLETS and suffer the consequences.In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff.The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful.John Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk.This is the dumbest idea youve had in weeks STUPID STUPID STUPID.And yet the polished surface of your desk.It beckons. 1. 40.John Combine the nails and hammer.You MERGE the top two cards.The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together.John Use hammernails on poster.You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it.John Nail poster to wall.You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall.Its glorious. Exactly what you wanted.The old man really came through this time.John Examine Con Air poster.PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.I SAID, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.WHY COULDNT YOU PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX John Examine Deep Impact poster.Morgan Freemans genteel, homespun mannerisms were perfect qualities for a president residing over a crisis.OCEANS RISE. CITIES FALL.HOPE SURVIVES. Films about impending apocalypse fascinate you.Plus, a black presidentNow youve seen everything John Examine calendar.Youve marked your birthday, the 1.April. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH.Its been three days already.Its starting to become a sore subject with you.John Eat cake. You are sick to death of cakeYouve been eating it all day.And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either.The CAKE stays put for now.You hear a notice from your COMPUTER.Someone is messaging you.John Examine incoming message.You pull up to your COMPUTER.This is where you spend most of your time.You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself.You are really proud of it.Your desktop is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES.You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it.Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing.Someone is trying to get in touch with you.John Open Pesterchum.Only one of your CHUMS is logged in.Hes sent you a message.John Open message.PESTERLOG. Godhead TG began pestering ecto.Biologist EB at 1.TG hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today.EB i got a little monsters poster, its so awesome.TG oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here.EB ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution.TG but TG the seal on the bottle is unbroken.TG are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory.EB all im saying is dont you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle EB try using your brain numbnuts.TG why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like.TG i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous.EB it was the 1. TG ok i can accept that TG monster B list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters.TG also fred savage has a really punchable face.TG but who cares about this lets stop talking about it.TG did you get the beta yet.EB no. EB did you TG man i got two copies already.TG but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring.TG did you see how it got slammed in game bro EB game bro is a joke and we both know it.TG yeah. TG why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now.EB alright. 1. 50.John Look out window.You see the view of your yard from your window.Hanging from the tree is your TIRE SWING.In a kids yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle.That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL.And there beside your driveway is the mailbox.John Examine mailbox.The little red arm swingy dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped upWhat the hell is that thing called anyway.You do not have time for these semantics. Download Lagu The Beatles Strawberry Field Forever Chord . The red flippy lever thing means you have new mail.And that means the beta might be hereJohn Go outside and check mailbox.You are about to hurry down stairs when you hear a car pull into the driveway.It looks like your DAD has returned from the grocery store.Oh great. He is beating you to the mail.Postgre. SQL vs. MS SQL Server.Oops, spoiler alert.This section is a comparison of the two databases in terms of features relevant to data analytics.CSV support. CSV is the de facto standard way of moving structured i.All RDBMSes can dump data into proprietary formats that nothing else can read, which is fine for backups, replication and the like, but no use at all for migrating data from system X to system Y.A data analytics platform has to be able to look at data from a wide variety of systems and produce outputs that can be read by a wide variety of systems.In practice, this means that it needs to be able to ingest and excrete CSV quickly, reliably, repeatably and painlessly.Lets not understate this a data analytics platform which cannot handle CSV robustly is a broken, useless liability.Postgre. SQLs CSV support is top notch.The COPY TO and COPY FROM commands support the spec outlined in RFC4.CSV standard as well as a multitude of common and not so common variants and dialects.These commands are fast and robust.When an error occurs, they give helpful error messages.Importantly, they will not silently corrupt, misunderstand or alter data.If Postgre. SQL says your import worked, then it worked properly.The slightest whiff of a problem and it abandons the import and throws a helpful error message.This may sound fussy or inconvenient, but it is actually an example of a well established design principle.It makes sense would you rather find out your import went wrong now, or a month from now when your client complains that your results are offMS SQL Server can neither import nor export CSV.Most people dont believe me when I tell them this.Then, at some point, they see for themselves.Usually they observe something like MS SQL Server silently truncating a text field.MS SQL Servers text encoding handling going wrong.MS SQL Server throwing an error message because it doesnt understand quoting or escaping contrary to popular belief, quoting and escaping are not exotic extensions to CSV.They are fundamental concepts in literally every human readable data serialisation specification.Dont trust anyone who doesnt know what these things areMS SQL Server exporting broken, useless CSVMicrosofts horrendous documentation.How did they manage to overcomplicate something as simple as CSV This is especially baffling because CSV parsers are trivially easy to write I wrote one in C and plumbed it into PHP a year or two ago, because I wasnt happy with its native CSV handling functions.The whole thing took perhaps 1.SWIG, which was new to me at the time.If you dont believe me, download this correctly formatted, standards compliant UTF 8 CSV file and use MS SQL Server to calculate the average string length i.Go on, try it. The answer youre looking for is exactly 1.Naturally, determining this is trivially easy in Postgre.SQL in fact, the most time consuming bit is creating a table with 5.Poor understanding of CSV seems to be endemic at Microsoft that file will break Access and Excel too.Sad but true some database programmers I know recently spent a lot of time and effort writing Python code which sanitises CSV in order to allow MS SQL Server to import it.They werent able to avoid changing the actual data in this process, though.This is as crazy as spending a fortune on Photoshop and then having to write some custom code to get it to open a JPEG, only to find that the image has been altered slightly.Ergonomics. Every data analytics platform worth mentioning is Turing complete, which means, give or take, that any one of them can do anything that any other one can do.There is no such thing as you can do X in software A but you cant do X in software B.You can do anything in anything all that varies is how hard it is.Good tools make the things you need to do easy poor tools make them hard.Thats what it always boils down to.This is all conceptually true, if not literally true for example, no RDBMS I know of can render 3.D graphics. But any one of them can emulate any calculation a GPU can perform.Postgre. SQL is clearly written by people who actually care about getting stuff done.MS SQL Server feels like it was written by people who never have to actually use MS SQL Server to achieve anything.Here are a few examples to back this up Postgre.SQL supports DROP TABLE IF EXISTS, which is the smart and obvious way of saying if this table doesnt exist, do nothing, but if it does, get rid of it.Something like this DROP TABLE IF EXISTS mytable Heres how you have to do it in MS SQL Server IF OBJECTID Ndbo.NU IS NOT NULL. DROP TABLE dbo.Yes, its only one extra line of code, but notice the mysterious second parameter to the OBJECTID function.You need to replace that with NV to drop a view.Its NP for a stored procedure.I havent learned all the different letters for all the different types of database objects why should I have to Notice also that the table name is repeated unnecessarily.If your concentration slips for a moment, its dead easy to do this IF OBJECTID Ndbo.NU IS NOT NULL. DROP TABLE dbo.See whats happened there This is a reliable source of annoying, time wasting errors.Postgre. SQL supports DROP SCHEMA CASCADE, which drops a schema and all the database objects inside it.This is very, very important for a robust analytics delivery methodology, where tear down and rebuild is the underlying principle of repeatable, auditable, collaborative analytics work.There is no such facility in MS SQL Server.You have to drop all the objects in the schema manually, and in the right order, because if you try to drop an object on which another object depends, MS SQL Server simply throws an error.This gives an idea of how cumbersome this process can be.Postgre. SQL supports CREATE TABLE AS.A wee example CREATE TABLE goodfilms AS.This means you can highlight everything but the first line and execute it, which is a useful and common task when developing SQL code.In MS SQL Server, table creation goes like this instead SELECT.So, to execute the plain SELECT statement, you have to comment out or remove the INTO bit.Yes, commenting out two lines is easy thats not the point.The point is that in Postgre.SQL you can perform this simple task without modifying the code and in MS SQL Server you cant, and that introduces another potential source of bugs and annoyances.In Postgre. SQL, you can execute as many SQL statements as you like in one batch as long as youve ended each statement with a semicolon, you can execute whatever combination of statements you like.For executing automated batch processes or repeatable data builds or output tasks, this is critically important functionality.In MS SQL Server, a CREATE PROCEDURE statement cannot appear halfway through a batch of SQL statements.Theres no good reason for this, its just an arbitrary limitation.It means that extra manual steps are often required to execute a large batch of SQL.Manual steps increase risk and reduce efficiency.Postgre. SQL supports the RETURNING clause, allowing UPDATE, INSERT and DELETE statements to return values from affected rows.This is elegant and useful.MS SQL Server has the OUTPUT clause, which requires a separate table variable definition to function.This is clunky and inconvenient and forces a programmer to create and maintain unnecessary boilerplate code.Postgre. SQL supports string quoting, like so SELECT Hello, World AS greeting This is extremely useful for generating dynamic SQL because a it allows the user to avoid tedious and unreliable manual quoting and escaping when literal strings are nested and b since text editors and IDEs tend not to recogniise as a string delimiter, syntax highlighting remains functional even in dynamic SQL code.Postgre. SQL lets you use procedural languages simply by submitting code to the database engine you write procedural code in Python or Perl or R or Java.Script or any of the other supported languages see below right next to your SQL, in the same script.This is convenient, quick, maintainable, easy to review, easy to reuse and so on.In MS SQL Server, you can either use the lumpy, slow, awkward T SQL procedural language, or you can use a.NET language to make an assembly and load it into the database.This means your code is in two separate places and you have to go through a sequence of GUI based manual steps to alter it.
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